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Wake UP!

Jul22

Despite experiencing joy anyway, I often feel wracked with guilt that I’m not making more noise about the corruption unraveling our democracy, not doing more to raise the alarm, not making enough people wake up. It’s because I can’t say it as well as others, and I don’t even want to know about it. But we all must know. If you get a little delight or insight or respite from reading this blog, or even if you don’t, you also need to be paying attention to the political machinations that are demolishing American life as we have known it all our lives. Please keep reading, now, the words of Mark Elias, who likens what’s happening in the US with the musical Cabaret: As a populace, we are sleeping amid our pleasures while the Nazis take over.

POLITICIZATION OF THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE: The DOJ is now a political arm of the GOP 
I know I’ve written about this before, but it bears repeating: under Pam Bondi’s leadership, the Department of Justice is a political arm of the GOP, and the attorney general is Trump’s personal lawyer. Right now, we’re seeing that clearly with the Epstein Files saga. As the MAGA base calls for the release of the files, Bondi is protecting Trump — not representing the American people.  This will only get worse. If you want to see where the DOJ’s loyalties lie, keep an eye on Bondi.
TARGETING OPPONENTS: Threatening those who oppose the administration
On Friday, as part of her latest conspiracy, Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard promised to investigate and prosecute Obama administration officials for their disclosure of Russia’s efforts to interfere in the 2016 election. Then on Sunday, Trump followed up her warning with an AI-generated TikTok of President Obama getting arrested by the FBI.  This is just another in a long series of threats to political opponents — and it should be taken seriously. With the DOJ acting as Trump’s political weapon, it will go after and prosecute those who defy and speak out against the administration. Don’t dismiss these threats. 
UNCONSTITUTIONAL ACTS: Betraying and defying the Constitution 
Under Trump, the Constitution has become nothing more than a suggestion. Administration officials have been defying court orders left and right, ignoring judges of both parties. Emil Bove, Trump’s former personal lawyer and his nominee to serve on the Third Circuit Court of Appeals, told government lawyers they should say “fuck you” to court orders. And back in March, the administration defied Judge Boasberg’s orders to turn a plane of Venezuelan immigrants around.  The administration isn’t following the normal rules. There are no guardrails. Pay attention to who they’re taking orders from — because it’s certainly not our justice system.  
ELECTION MEDDLING:  Interfering with the outcome and results of our elections
Trump and the Republican Party are gearing up for 2026. They know their policies are unpopular. They know the Epstein Files have them in hot water. So, what are they going to do? Gerrymander and suppress voters. In Texas, Trump pressured Gov. Greg Abbott to hold a special session and illegally gerrymander his state’s congressional map. And in Colorado, election officials received calls from a GOP operative asking to inspect election machines and gain access to voter rolls.  The 2026 election isn’t going to be a normal one. Get registered now. Double-check your registration. Make a plan to vote. When democracy is on the line, it’s never too early.

If you’ve made it this far, please keep reading the clarion call from Joyce Vance about the war on women:

“When we said women and people who loved them needed to vote like their lives depended on it in 2024, it wasn’t hyperbole. Despite the hole the Dobbs case, which reversed Roe v. Wade, tore in the heart of so many Americans and the women who have suffered and even died since then from the unavailability of basic medical care, not enough Americans understood how precarious the world had become for women….

Trump is waging war on women in ways both big and small, subtle and obvious. When federal employees are fired, women lose jobs that permit them to support their families. When Medicaid gets cut, single moms, who are just trying to get by, are burdened. DEI gave woman a path to higher paying jobs. Now it’s being closed down. He’s trying to make it harder for us to votewith his Executive Order on voting and the SAVE Act.

But above all, it’s been abortion, the right that both kept women safe and made it possible for them to set the course of their own lives and families. This is an administration that not only wants to end abortion, but has also set its sights on contraception. There is talk of resurrecting the Comstock Actwith the complicity of the Supreme Court. That would make it illegal to mail material that talks about family planning, let alone the drugs like mifepristone that are essential for medication abortion. That means women who need access to medical care to prevent serious infection or death due to medical complications in pregnancy may no longer be able to get it.

The party that claims to be pro-life isn’t. It’s not just the misbegotten refusal to provide abortion, which can be lifesaving in a pregnancy gone wrong. The culture war against women is in full-blown progress. 

Since I’m borrowing the words of others… from Instagram

But now in Tennessee, they’re taking it a little bit further. Unmarried? Pregnant? Sorry, no healthcare for you. According to footage shown by the Tennessee Holler, an unmarried woman who was pregnant was denied medical care by a doctor who didn’t want to treat her. She didn’t want an abortion. She wanted to carry the baby to term. He denied her care because she wasn’t married. It offended his Christian beliefs. We’ve heard about Christian bakers not wanting to bake cakes for gay couples. This is the next logical step in the Supreme Court’s permissive politics towards Christianity. Except that this doctor seems to have forgotten that Mary was an unmarried, pregnant woman when Jesus was conceived.

Apparently, the Hippocratic oath no longer matters, at least not if your patient is an unmarried woman who’s pregnant. Women in Tennessee have sufferedin the past for being denied an abortion while carrying a nonviable pregnancy, only to lose their fertility as a result. But this is next level. This is a doctor denying a patient care because he, HE, doesn’t approve of the way she is choosing to live her life.

We have the opportunity to end this now. There is an election coming in 2026. An election where we will have to fight to register, stay registered, vote, and ensure our votes get counted. But it’s our fight. It’s the fight for democracy. Unlike 2024, when Americans failed to vote in sufficient numbers to keep Trump out of office because they somehow didn’t understand the stakes, we have to make sure every single person who cares about our country—and thinks women shouldn’t slide into second-class citizenship where they can be denied basic, noncontroversial medical care—is on the front lines in this election. In 2024, too many people thought they could use their voice to protest, whatever the issue, by staying home or voting for a candidate other than the one committed to democracy. The results have been tragic, just six months into Donald Trump’s second administration. It’s dangerous to be a woman. It’s dangerous to be an immigrant. It’s dangerous to be a member of the LGBTQ community. It’s dangerous to be someone who has devoted your life to government service if your work involved investigating Donald Trump or promoting DEI. It’s now dangerous to fall outside of Trumpism’s rigid definition of what’s right…. That’s wrong for all of us.”

another borrow from Instagram

And that’s my rant for the week, with deep gratitude for the big, courageous voices on the national stage who are shining the bright light of reality, of truth, clearly on the haze of deception, propaganda, brainwashing, and large-scale swindling that defines the current regime. Time really is running out, and we’ve got to wake up and really drain the cesspool before we drown in it. We can do it! Here are links to some other people’s words, newsletters and articles, to help us wake up and be a proactive citizen.

I’ll be back in a day or two to help us relax and savor the quotidian delights in our private lives.

Fresh Air

Jul18

I’m grateful that today was significantly cooler and that what little wind there was came from the north, clearing the air considerably. Instead of Air Quality of 150-200 it’s fallen steadily through the day from 80 to 56 at bedtime.

I was able to spend a little time at the pond this morning, and run errands this afternoon with the car windows down. I was grateful for the kindness of Christina at the DMV, and the consideration of pharmacy staff, and the tiny blonde girl who said hi to me at the market. I said hi back and smiled, but she couldn’t see that because I was masked; with the forthright candor of her three or four years, she asked “Why do you have that?” I was happy to explain that my lungs don’t work so good so I’m wearing it because I don’t want to get sick. She nodded and continued chewing on the date in her hand.

I was grateful to sit by the pond for awhile this evening and watch tadpoles and frogs; and later, to sit on the deck while a small festival of dragonflies feasted on mosquitoes overhead and a few stray swallows swooped through, watching heavy clouds roll into the mountains, breathing easily. I’m grateful that the firefighters had an easier day too.

Evolution of a Rainbow

Jul13

It takes so little to excite me. When I saw apricots glowing in the lowering sun against the grey storm sky I dashed outside. Then it just kept getting better. Fortunately, the smoke wasn’t bad here today and the fire didn’t expand too much. I was grateful that the air was clear enough to spend sunset outside.

It was time for supper but it was too nice to go inside. Refreshed by a cool breeze and a smattering of raindrops, undaunted by the mellow distant thunder and feeble cloud to cloud lightning, I went up on the deck to enjoy the kaleidoscope.

Hungry, I almost came in, but saw a rainbow beginning to the south. A few minutes later a hint of color appeared in front of Saddle Mountain. So I waited.

Minute by minute the rainbow grew, intensified, first at one end then the other. A hint of double appeared first in the east and then in the south, and then nearly met in the middle. It went on and on. I was breathing colors.

Even in the last light, a hint of rainbow remained. And then I turned around.

Inner Work

Jul12
Remember those waffles I froze awhile ago? One toasted, with organic almond butter and grape jelly, made a terrific breakfast.

There’s a question that’s been bugging me for nearly a decade. How is it that half of America looks at Donald Trump and doesn’t find him morally repellent? He lies, cheats, steals, betrays, and behaves cruelly and corruptly, and more than 70 million Americans find him, at the very least, morally acceptable….

Over the past 30 years, people have tried to fill the hole in their soul by seeking to derive a sense of righteousness through their political identities. And when you do that, politics begins to permeate everything and turns into a holy war in which compromise begins to seem like betrayal.”

David Brooks, The Atlantic

One of the fennel stalks getting ready to flower.

This incisive philosophical exploration of why some people like Drumpf traces the moral collapse of Western Civilization back to The Enlightenment. I’ve been spending too much of my attention budget on this question, but it’s helpful to read others exploring the origins and ramifications of current conditions. I’ve also been spending too much energy on wishful thinking, wishes like this bit of a ‘Prayer for the Resistance’ in Rob Brezny’s newsletter: “May the rich and powerful bullies perpetrating cruel violence be plagued by the consequences of their own actions, as their attempts to undermine empathy and democracy backfire spectacularly….” and other eloquent ill-wishes.

An early variety of cabbage I planted is tiny but ready! The grasshoppers figured it out a day before I did.

Perhaps a complementary article is this reflection from Mark Nepo on the Grateful Living website, about wonder and “finding the wisdom that lives in your heart.” There are two kinds of people in this world… which two kinds are always shifting for me, but there sure do seem to be a lot of aspects of human nature where polar opposites exist. I know, the last thing any of us needs to be doing is polar opposing people. I can’t help that I think about it, though.

A lettuce harvest gets a refreshing rinse from the sprinkler.

In a Saturday morning workshop with dharma teacher Martin Aylward, one of the takeaways was “I’m here to love.” At the end I thanked him for the teachings which validate a lot of the choices I’ve made in recent years, and said, “But I get stuck on ‘here to love,’ because I feel such rage and hatred toward the people making hateful, racist, cruel policies in the US.” I could have seen his answer coming, I know the teachings. He replied, gently, so compassionately, “So that is where you start, right there in your own heart, bringing love to your anger, your hatred which poisons only you, your tendency to demonize others.” A weight shrugged off my shoulders, my hand came involuntarily to my heart, tears to my eyes.

A spatchcock chicken roasted with potato and onion chunks will feed me for weeks.

In other inner work, our Grateful Gathering discussed this video Tuesday evening, which touched all of us deeply. Even more compelling, Ted Leach shared with us the next day some links to give more context on the life of Dot Fisher-Smith, whose wisdom and gratefulness shine through in the video. Talk about a paragon of inner work! And about the power of genuine compassion.

This is the earliest I’ve seen apricots ripen. There aren’t many, and they’re mostly out of reach, but they’re the largest the tree has ever produced.

In grasshopper plague mitigation, I’ve just signed up for this free webinar and recording from PPAN, People and Pollinators Action Network, in hopes of learning once and for all what strategies will work to save my yarden.

And in tadpole development, I remain mesmerized whenever I get a chance to visit the pond. It’s not far away, but with the air quality the past couple of days I haven’t been down there. We’ve only seen a couple of frogs in the past few weeks, and I was glad to catch one on the edge of the rushes the day before the fires. And welcome a lily blossom.

Speaking of the fires, the South Rim fire closed the day at 2500 acres, the Sowbelly at 2240, and the Deer Creek fire near the Utah border which also started yesterday blew up to 7000 acres within 24 hours. This exponential growth is sadly the new normal for wildfires. The smoke wasn’t as thick today due to less wind, and I was grateful for that though I still found it helpful to mask the few times I stepped outside. Grateful living has given me peace beyond the obvious. Where once I may have bemoaned the smoke and worried about its effects or potential duration, now I am simply grateful that it’s not worse: that the closer strikes were spotted and extinguished quickly, that these fires haven’t killed anyone, that the smoke isn’t denser, that my house protects me from most of it, that I’m slowly but surely taming my unruly mind, that every now and then a sliver of true compassion replaces my anger, and so on.

“Living gratefully is not something we aspire to one day. It is what we do. When we practice, this doing shapes who we are, who we are becoming, and the life we lead, transforming our way of being.”

— Joe Primo, grateful.org

Delusion

Jul4

It was a great day to be living inside the kaleidoscope. Off in Washington the party of pride and prejudice sold out the American people to kiss the feet of the billionaire class. I was grateful to be immersed in my little garden, and the big sky, and meaningful connection with two sanghas and several friends.

Despite grasshopper predation, potato plants are tall and flowering.
Cabbages have not fared quite as well and screen covers are on the way, if I can only hold off the greedy hordes until Monday.
I was so hopeful that this one cabbage head, at least, would escape unscathed, but in just a couple of hours between today’s scheduled shakings, the bastards chewed into it.

“We’re excited to get this done. If Hakeem would stop talking, we’ll get the job done for the American people. It takes a lot longer to build a lie than to tell the truth, so he’s really spinning a long tale in there, but we’re excited. The people will feel the effect of this bill….. The sooner we can get to it, the sooner the Democrats will stop talking, we’ll get this bill done for the people and we’re really excited about it.”

Speaker Mike Johnson lying through his greedy teeth to CNN this morning during Jeffries’ last ditch effort to stop the big bad bill. You bet the American people will feel the effects of the bill. Despicable. Excited, cheering, their ruthless delusion knows no bounds. I tried to call Jeff Hurd again this morning and when I chose the option to leave a message I was disconnected.

I had to run to the bank this afternoon and spotted this bumper sticker, which raised ironic thoughts, reflections on the prevalence and persistence of delusion, a brief spin into conjecture about how this pronouncement will be perceived in a year or four years, raised some bile: May you have the day you voted for. And then back to practice: May all beings be healthy and happy, may all beings be safe, free from inner and outer harm, may all beings live a life of joyful ease. May all beings be healthy and happy…

Golden light after blessed rain, extra grateful for no lightning.

One can’t practice enough these days. Literally, I cannot practice enough to keep my gorge from rising, the bile from a constant burn in the back of my throat. But I keep practicing, because that’s what we do.

After meditation, and a zoom sangha with Upaya, we strolled up the driveway to savor the sky, the clean damp air; to ground in the clear truth of nature, ancient junipers, mutable weather, the fleeting grace of a doe, a tiny spotted fawn running through the field.

[No, the fawn’s not in either picture, but the doe is in the trees in the first one.]

You do what you can, what you must, with hope, without clinging to outcome. You accept the truth that this is how things are right now, and then you adapt, reset, recuperate, and start again the next day. But for this evening, just for these precious few hours, you relax into whatever nourishes you, whatever sustains and restores you, and savor it like there’s no tomorrow. You step into the kaleidoscope and ride.

I just missed catching this band of low clouds glowing white, the only light between the West Elks and the valley both in cloud shadow. Oh well. I stayed up on the deck to watch light climb Mendicant Ridge to the sky. This is all the fireworks I’ll need for the weekend.

What is WRONG with You People?!

Jul1
Thank god there was Zoom Cooking with Amy this evening…

I was flattened to learn yesterday that only eight percent, 8%, of Americans understand that the BBB, Big ‘Beautiful’ Bill, includes massive cuts to Medicaid! Hello? Where have you been, you 92%? The bill passed the Senate this morning with a tie breaker from JD Vance who said, “…the minutiae of the Medicaid policy — is immaterial compared to the ICE money and immigration enforcement provisions.” The bill is back in the House of Representatives for voting as soon as tomorrow, because not-my-president wants it on his desk by July 4.

Without our Indivisible zoom this afternoon followed by zoom cooking, I’d have been still an irate mess tonight.

The Senate’s version eliminated a few egregious provisions like the massive public lands selloff, but added things that would cut even more from Medicaid for a total loss to this societal safety network of around a trillion dollars, causing around 12-17 million people to lose their health insurance over time, and three million more would lose SNAP benefits, so if you’re on food stamps you’re gonna get hungry. Many children and seniors will suffer food insecurity and other horrors. It’s a complicated network of interdependence, but these cuts will result in less available and more costly healthcare for everyone, no matter where you get your health insurance.

We used storebought puff pastry and two sizes of cookie cutters to make the shapes, folding the small circles over a glass rim and then smooshing the large circle on top.

The bill is tricky. It provides a few minor immediate and short term tax benefits for regular people, but many more diverse, substantial, and permanent tax cuts to billionaires and corporations. Take a moment to reflect on the differences here: minor and short-term for us, versus SUBSTANTIAL and PERMANENT for the super rich. The combination of cutting many programs that regular Americans rely on for all kinds of things from medical care to wildfire protection to clean energy incentives and protections (and too many more to list here), funneling our tax dollars to the wealthiest few in the nation, and tripling the ICE budget, would increase the national deficit to more than 3 trillion dollars. I’m using the most basic language I can, stripping the complexity down to bare bones, to try to help you see that this bill WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER, no matter who you are, no matter what you’ve been deluded into believing will make your life better. I am silently shrieking inside my head to 92% of Americans and 51% of congress, “What is wrong with you people?!”

Turn the glass upside down and free the dough to make little puff pastry flowers.

Locally here in Delta County where I live, “about 1 in 4 people—that’s 24.1% of our neighbors—use Medicaid, known here as Health First Colorado. Even more striking, half the kids in Delta County schools rely on Medicaid or CHIP. Medicaid pays for much more than doctor visits. It helps cover hearing and vision screenings at school, mental health support, speech therapy, dental care, and more. If the funding is cut, those services could vanish—and families will be left to pay out-of- pocket. Medicaid also supports home and community-based services to help elders stay in their home—all at risk if this bill passes. Finally, and possibly the WORST outcome: A national study also found that Delta County Memorial Hospital is one of six rural hospitals in Colorado that could close if this bill passes. That’s our hospital. Our ER. Our local jobs. The ripple effect on our local businesses. This bill doesn’t work for Delta County. We can still stop it. Call Rep. Jeff Hurd at (202) 225‑4676. Tell him: Vote NO on the Big, Beautiful Bill.” [Thanks Janine, for letting me use these excerpts from your LTE, I couldn’t have said it better.]

Then we mashed up 85-ish grams of blue cheese with half a beaten egg.

The trickiest part is that this will mostly happen over time. The first benefit cuts are scheduled to take place shortly after the 2026 midterm elections. So you’ll see less tax on tips and a few other things right away, but you won’t lose SNAP and Medicaid benefits until you’ve already voted again for the sociopaths who stripped them away. And some of the biggest losses for regular Americans contained in the BBB won’t go into effect until after the 2028 presidential election. That’s right. You will vote yet again for the cadre of creeps who are gutting every federal provision that most Americans rely on for a decent quality of life, before you see that quality of life plummet. Don’t take my word for it. Read the bill yourself, or read the handful of media sources who are actually reading the bill. Listen to some of the keenest analysts break it down for you. That’s not me. I’m just the air raid siren telling you to pay attention right now. And then do something about it: call your congressperson TODAY to demand accountability and truth, and demand that they vote NO.

Then we spooned the blue cheese and egg mixture into the little flower cups.

The healthcare ramifications are really the tip of the cascading iceberg. It is definitely one BIG bill, but there’s nothing beautiful about it unless you’re filthy rich or not even a human being but a big business. And the Big Bill isn’t the only White House decree that is going to make life a lot less comfortable for your kids and grandkids. It’s overwhelming, really. Birthright citizenship can now be stripped away for murky reasons. The LGBTQ youth option on the national suicide prevention hotline has been defunded. The fossil fuel industry wins all around at the expense of clean energy, intensifying the climate crisis. The list goes on. The bill is absolutely appalling and will insidiously, slowly, eat away at all that makes our country truly great. Which, I’m sorry, is not old white straight men.

Brush the dough with the other half egg, and bake in a 375℉ oven for around 30 minutes.

The separation of powers that we learned was fundamental to the structure of our democracy has crumbled. There is just under half a Congress fighting to preserve our citizenship rights, our civil rights, our rights to OUR taxes paying for our basic needs. The other half of the Legislative branch, and the top tier of the Judicial branch have ceded all power to the Executive branch which is run by one miserable old white man and his cult followers. Wake UP, America. You don’t have to be WOKE to pay attention to what’s really happening in the White House. Do not be blinded by the rah-rah bombs bursting ICE fueled distractions. Take back the true meaning of the American flag: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.

The finished treats look a little less appealing than I’d hoped, with a slightly brown crust on the green cheese filling, but the pastry browned nicely and they tasted delicious!

I can’t help but wonder if I’ve convinced anyone to learn more about what’s at stake here, and to make their voices heard in the unhallowed halls of congress. I hope so. If even one neighbor calls Jeff Hurd as a result of reading this post and tells him to vote NO on H.R. 1, my hours writing this, my burning rage, will have been worth it. If even a few others in Colorado or any other state are moved to make one phone call, download the 5 Calls app, share this post with a friend, or join the movement to protect our rights, my day will have been made.

Having devoted much time and energy today to this urgent situation, I relax into gratitude. I am grateful for the friends and neighbors who are also working to defeat this Big Bad Bill. I have done all that I can about it today, and there was so much more to this day that was actually beautiful. There was Zoom Cooking with Amy. Papa Blue has been teaching his babies to fly and hunt just beyond the fence, and dipping through the yarden throughout the day. As Amy and I enjoyed our supper, Papa Blue flew in for a sip at the birdbath which sits on the post that Amy mosaic’d many years ago.

Down at the pond, the tadpoles keep growing, and growing.

And the day started out with a wildfire up on Mendicant Ridge. I had just noticed the smoke and opened the phone to message the Bad Dogs who live below the ridge, and saw a message from them asking if I could see the smoke. This inspired me to create a What’s App group for about eight neighbors: we all have different perspectives, and among us can spot the valley, the mountains to the east, and the mesa to the west. We can each see a piece of the puzzle, and none of us the whole thing. It’s another great example of interdependence. The chat buzzed throughout the day with updates as the Crawford and Hotchkiss volunteer fire departments controlled the blaze in rugged, steep terrain; just the kind of place a fire likes to lose control. Some could see the chopper dipping into the reservoir to haul water, some couldn’t stop watching it, and some felt it shudder through their bedroom. I’m grateful for my neighbors watching out for one another, for the firefighters, for the technology that allows all this interconnectedness. I’m grateful for the Watch Duty app that also relies on volunteers and a network of observers to issue wildfire alerts and updates nationally, since a lot of federal wildfire and weather experts are already or soon will be out of jobs and those warning systems will dry up. Everything is connected. Your wellbeing depends on everyone else’s.

Expectations

Jun27

I’ve been exploring expectations today, and looking at some of mine which are realistic, and some which are unrealistic.

Sometimes I don’t recognize my expectations as expectations. Because the phoebes and the scrub jays fledged a short distance at a time, I thought the bluebirds might peek out of the nest cavity for a day or two, and then flutter down a little way. Kathleen said no, they’ll just fly straight out. Some research seemed to confirm that, saying “the first flight is awkward, in a straight line with nonstop wingbeats… from 10 to 55 yards,” and that a parent usually accompanies the fledgling and remembers where it perches. But I also read that sometimes they can’t fly that far, or drop straight to the ground if they’re weak. I stirred together what I read, what Kathleen said, and what I’d seen of other species in real life or on nest cams, and created a safe landing zone with various perches across the patio outward from the nest. Then I waited and watched.

I selectively remembered bits of information to form an expectation of how and when they’d fledge, and arranged my days to be sure I wouldn’t miss it. In fact, it started without my recognizing it. I missed a couple of hours yesterday and most of today, but I think I actually saw one first flight yesterday, and thought it was one of the parents. When I came home from an appointment this afternoon, I may have caught another one out the corner of my eye while I was on a phone call. But I still dwelt in my expectation of what it would look like, and it wasn’t until I noticed a fluttering bird in a treetop with the male bluebird that the truth dawned on me. My expectation of how the bluebirds would fledge was sketchy and unrealistic.

Meanwhile, the scrub jay babies are learning to fill up at the feeder, play in the water bowl, and peck at grasshoppers. And the house finch chicklets are chasing their parents around through the trees and onto the feeder begging. It’s very busy in the yarden.

As far as my healing hip, I’ve kept pretty realistic expectations for the most part. After nine months, I got complacent and over-exerted getting up from a tadpole pedicure last week, and have been limping ever since. I finally called the doctor and they wanted me to come in today. I realistically expected that I’d get a competent evaluation. It’s realistic for an American to expect quality, affordable healthcare, and for a senior citizen such as myself to expect Medicare to pay for most of it. But sadly, that expectation is gonna have to change if the regime gets its budget bill passed.

Because the setback pain extended from the hip to the kneecap they x-rayed my knee as well. I was grateful to learn that it looks strong and healthy, except for an arthritic patella.

The One Big Bad Bill delivers nothing but grift to billionaires and corporations and misery and privation to regular Americans. Yes, I’m exaggerating, but not much. I am sure there are some provisions which will benefit some subgroups of American citizens, but most of us will lose bigly. Ag experts say the bill has the worst farm policy they’ve ever seen; despite claims it will reduce the federal deficit it will increase it by trillions; national parks and forests, wilderness areas, and pristine watersheds are among the millions of acres of OUR PUBLIC LANDS, which we as Americans own collectively for the common good, that are slated to be sold to the highest bidder for privatization, logging, development, raping and pillaging. Imagine drill rigs smack in the center of Yellowstone. Countless miles of critical habitat and wild lives will be destroyed as well. Essential ecological balances will be tripped and climate chaos will explode exponentially. I’m not really exaggerating about this part.

Is it realistic to expect I’ll have this sweater finished by autumn? Yes it is.

And millions of Americans will lose Medicaid with billions of dollars and hundreds of direct and indirect benefits on the chopping block. Older Americans will see Medicare benefits dribble away and costs rise from a hidden provision that will require cuts to Medicare over the next decade. Private insurance premiums will skyrocket. And this brings me to Colorado District 3 and our so-called representative Congressman Jeff Hurd. His was arguably the swing vote that pushed this bill through the House initially, after he promised his constituents that he would not vote to cut Medicaid.

His district has the largest number of Medicaid recipients in the state. You can look it up. I’m sick of thinking about his betrayal. If you live in CD3, this article is a must read to understand why you might lose your rural hospital – and why I and my community are flooding Rep. Hurd’s offices with phone calls insisting that he vote against the Big Bad Bill when it comes back to the House after the Senate approves it, in time to be passed by July 4. That’s next Friday. His phone number is 202-225-4676.

Obligatory so-simple-so-delicious photo of homemade frozen waffles, happy bacon, a mangled though still runny local egg, sour cherries, and organic maple syrup, yesterday’s brunch.

If you live in rural America, or if you get Medicaid benefits through your state health department, or if you are enrolled in Medicare, or get ACA subsidized health insurance, you need to understand what’s at stake here, and let your senators and house reps know how you feel about the prospect of their gutting your healthcare. You can use the 5 Calls app to easily identify and call your representatives. 5 Calls provides a short script for each of a number of up-to-the-minute issues to choose from. These calls matter. Save our healthcare, save our rural hospitals, save our national parks, save our democracy, save our sanity. Is it realistic to expect my words to motivate you to pay attention and start making calls? I don’t know. Is it realistic to expect our representatives to pay attention to our concerns? I’m not sure but I think so. Is it realistic to expect our elected officials to defend our rights if we stick our heads in the sand and say and do nothing? Absolutely not. We have very little time left to try to influence our Senators and Representatives before a final vote on this catastrophic bill. Make some calls.

Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

Jun10

I was grateful to get home today knowing that I had vanilla bean ice cream in the freezer. But before that, I was grateful for so much more.

I was grateful to Pork Central for Wrensitting while I spent the afternoon in the dentist’s chair. They took such good care of her and I didn’t worry a bit, even knowing that the Mother of Topaz was in the same house and might take exception to a tiny dingo in her space.

I was grateful to the great team at Heritage Family Dental in Paonia for their kindness and skill. Even though I got home feeling like they’d punched me in the face. I appreciated the ‘tooth pillow’ for the left side so my mouth could rest open on a piece of foam instead of having to hold it open myself; and the dark glasses to protect my eyes from the harsh light and the tooth-dust mist from my open mouth. I was especially grateful for nitrous oxide, so that even though I could hear (and smell the burnt tooth smell from) the grinding, I didn’t care too much. I was grateful that part didn’t last much longer than an hour… and the next part was fascinating.

Once all the hard work was done, they packed something around my gum around the tooth they had ground down and refilled, then brought in a little beeping singing wand that scanned the lower jaw, upper jaw, and the bite, and from these scans the amazing technology created a model crown, and more amazing technology ground it right there in the next room, and then fired it at 3000 degrees and it came out smooth and shining. Much brighter white, I might add, than any of my natural teeth. Oh well! A small price to pay… though in actual dollars it was pretty hefty.

The computer model created from the scanner to inform the machine that carves the crown.
The grinder, carving a crown out of zirconium. I waited about 45 minutes from the time they scanned til the time she came back in and cemented the new tooth protection in place.

I missed hanging out in the yard this afternoon, but I was sure grateful to get home in time for sunset. And to be able to swing by the Arbol Farmers’ Market in town park and pick up a few tomato starts, and to pick up Wren from next door, and to come home and zoom with a Grateful Gathering, and to plant tomatoes after that, and then watch the moon rise. Oh! and the ice cream? That was dinner. Much of the day spent largely outside of my comfort zone, stretching in the Growth Zone, and a whole ‘nother twenty-four hours ahead of me tomorrow, if I am fortunate enough to wake up alive.

Jun8

It only took a month to finally capture a western tiger swallowtail. I’ve seen one occasionally flitting about the yard but the conditions have not yet been quite right to get a picture—until today.

The wild butterfly bush (Buddleia alternifolia) burst into bloom this past week. It took a few days before its perfume began to fill the yard and draw in the swallowtail who spent most of the day feeding from its many laden branches.

I had a couple of work zooms today and couldn’t bear to do them inside, so I brought the technology outside and sat in the shade under the deck; grateful for zoom, grateful for the deck shade. And most grateful for the trust of the bluebirds. He flew in from gathering insects in the yard and perched over my shoulder on the deer skull just outside the hole in the adobe wall where they’re nesting. In a moment, she fluttered out of the hole and joined him. They both observed me carefully; then she flew away and he remained awhile. I was entranced, and I think we were all three reassured. I’m hopeful I’ll be watching when the chicks fledge.

Where’s Wren? She’s off ahead as we enjoy an evening ramble through the elegant old junipers, exemplars of resilience.

The light was a little strange as evening settled. When we reached the top of the ridge on the way home and could see the horizon through the trees there was strong haze dimming the mountains. Maybe diffuse smoke from Canadian wildfires, maybe why some of us are suffering extra allergies—we can’t bear to stay inside but the air quality isn’t as pure as it looks at high noon. But first, we watched moonrise from our new favorite sitting log in the southern woods.

Nighthawks screeked and dove overhead as we wended our way home just as the sun went down.

Even after sunset the day’s work wasn’t done. Grasshopper mitigation continues: 24 hours after neem spray the front line seems to be holding. There were just a few grasshoppers in the raised beds throughout the day. But I’m not taking chances. There were a lot of little feral lettuces in amongst the onions. To protect them, and to remove the competition from the onions, I popped them out and planted them in the new bed where I could cover them. The cover will cool them with a little shade, and keep out marauders. I hope.

I look forward to another brand new day tomorrow.

“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

Outer Chaos, Inner Peace

May21
The lilacs, the tattered Mourning Cloak, the day, all winding down…

What would it feel like if there were no problem to solve? I’ve been meditating with this question for a couple of days. I know there are plenty of problems to solve, big and little problems, from what’s for lunch to how we save the planet. There’s a huge problem with the regime dismantling democracy, decimating government services, and demolishing the middle class. which would be great to solve and we’re working at it. Millions of Americans! But way too many millions more simply have their fingers in their ears, heads in the sand, eyes closed to reality. We need to amplify the truth at every opportunity.

There’s a big one coming up on June 14. But before that, there’s a massive threat to every American who is not a billionaire, and that’s most of us, in this “big beautiful budget bill” being voted on imminently. Make some noise! Medicaid is on the line, along with countless other programs that benefit most Americans. Our local healthcare system, Delta Health, could be gutted, along with most rural hospitals in the country. Learn more anywhere anyone is telling the truth, and Jessica Craven’s daily newsletter, Chop Wood Carry Water, is a great place to start. This bill is savage and wrong. So yeah, there are problems to be solved.

But what if, just for fifteen or thirty minutes each day, you could restore your nervous system with a deep, conscious rest during which, just for that short time, you could let your mind quit trying to solve problems? It’s been helping me.

I woke this morning to discover a hard frost overnight had burnt these lovely potato sprouts photographed just last night. Most of the scarlet salvias also died back.

Today is a perfect of example of how practicing this effortless mindfulness helped me sustain inner peace. After discovering freeze damage in the garden, I rushed off this morning for a ten a.m. appointment the provider had scheduled for noon; I let it go, did some other errands first, and came back later. Great news from Phil’s: the collaborative car fix last week is sufficient! But it was one glitch after another besides that, a couple of long delays, a couple of places closed on Tuesday; and, while taking the scenic route because I had time, a traffic jam. I kept my sense of ease, humor, and patience through it all. Just a day unfolding instead of a series of problems to solve.

I appreciated the care the movers took extricating the van from the tight spot, and instead of fretting about the delay I thought how grateful the homeowners on each side of the road must be.

Along the way we stopped at the town park so Wren could stretch her legs, and I looked for the stumps. A couple of huge trees had recently been cut for safety reasons. I know the guys who did the job, and admired the clean flat surface they left behind. I recalled one of them telling me how they got harassed while they were making the park safer. Later I counted the rings as best I could from the photo and was not surprised to pass one hundred.

Even so, I was sure grateful to get home to my little sanctuary. I had food in the fridge for lunch, repaired hearing aids, a new library book, a morning’s adventures with my values intact to reflect upon, a good zoom meeting, and a pond full of frogs to relax with.

Wren examines the day’s catch from the smart feeder on her iPad.

When the day’s work was done, I decanted the lilac cordial. It fizzed a lot when I opened the jar and poured, but then it settled down.

I’m sorry to report that it tasted primarily of weak honey. Lilacs, lacking any essential oil, are notoriously challenging to preserve. I suppose there’s a faint floral note, and it was light and refreshing on ice. And it sure looked lovely in the late evening sun.